


PROMISE ME A PLACE

by LauraLittlemiss



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Coming Out, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Sad Ending, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9267605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraLittlemiss/pseuds/LauraLittlemiss
Summary: Dan loved Phil but sometimes that wasn't enough. (Songfic based on "House Of Memories" by Panic! At The Disco.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on www.phanwritings.tumblr.com. I am the original author of this fic.

1.

Dan had never seen anything like it.

The house was glowing. That’s right, glowing. Dan was out on a walk, he was attempting to get “healthy” again, and this time he was determined. That’s what he said last time though, and you can see how that turned out. 

Dan looked at the house more closely. It looked fairly normal, mind the glowing aura of the house. Dan slowly stepped forwards onto the driveway, studying the house more closely. It had a front door, a porch, two windows, a normal house in a normal neighborhood. Then why was it glowing?

It looked well kept, it was in safe neighborhood, Dan couldn’t find any reason why it should be glowing. He inched closer and closer to the pavement leading to the front porch. Was it glowing more or was Dan just paranoid. Now, Dan knew that approaching the house wasn’t smart, like at all. For all he knew, the house was inhabited by aliens. That theory was probably the most plausible of all the theories that Dan had come up with in the short time that he had noticed the house.

Dan paused, thinking about what would happen if he went into the house and never came out. Nobody knew where he was. He realized that the only person who knew he was out was his roommate, Louise, and even Louise didn’t know exactly where he was walking. He stopped in his tracks, pulling out his phone. He quickly texted her his location with instructions to text him after 6 minutes and to drive over if he didn’t respond. 

He began walking towards the house again, this time getting all the way to the front door before hesitating again. Was he really about to do this? He shrugged to himself, turning the door knob. The door creaked open. Dan stood in awe. 

The entire house was glowing, everything. Dan walked into the main room, shell-shocked. The room’s walls were littered with pictures. Dan moved closer to see one better, stumbling back when he saw what was in the photo. It was him and Phil, but not the Phil and Dan of today. No, it certainly wasn’t. 

The two boys in the photo were high school age. Dan’s hair was curly, the waves that he both hated and adored. His face was a crinkle of smiles, his eyes basically closed due to the huge smile on his face. You could tell that Phil had taken the picture from how they were positioned. Phil’s cheek was pressed against the top of Dan’s head, Phil also adorning a smile. From the rest of the picture, Dan could guess that they were sitting in their usual way. Dan was probably sitting in Phil’s lap, his back would be pressed against Phil’s chest. Phil’s arms would’ve been wrapped tightly around Dan’s midsection, Dan’s arms laying just on top of Phil’s. Phil would occasionally nuzzle his face in Dan’s neck, Dan responding with that little happy sigh Phil always managed to draw out of him. It was bliss to teenage Dan. 

The photo was a bitter reminder of what they had up until the 2nd year of college. It was nearly four years in the making, they lived for pity’s sake. But it went all wrong.  
Dan glanced at all the other pictures, eyes scanning over them frantically as he tried to make sense of the the hundreds of photos hanging on the wall. His suspicions were confirmed; every single photo was from some point in Dan and Phil’s life together as a couple. 

This was Dan’s personal Hell. 

He turns and walks back to the door, he was almost about to walk out when the door slammed shut in his face. There was a sign on the door. It read “House Of Memories, Phil Lester.” Dan looked around, frantic to leave this place. Why did he think that going into the house was a good idea? 

He panics, looking for another exit. He doesn’t find one though, what he does find is much worse then being trapped in here. 

Because, in the corner is Phil Lester. Dan gulps. 

2.

The day was chilly. And Dan Howell was freezing, because really, he should’ve known to wear a warmer sweater on the first day at his new school. (But it was cute, so it didn’t matter.) Dan had transferred a month into the school year, which would probably sound really scary and alarming to a lot of kids, but it was more or less of a norm for Dan. His mom was constantly moving around with her job. They would need her in one place for a year and then another and then another, basically, Dan had lived in too many states to remember in the correct order. It probably wouldn’t be half as bad if he moved during the summer, but the company his mother worked for almost always picked the worst time possible to move them half-way across the country. And so that is the story of how Dan got to where he was, dressed in a blush pink knit sweater and white skinny jeans in front of a big brick building as students piled in from either side of the parking lot. 

He started to walk towards the door, tugging his backpack straps on tighter. He was nervous as hell, just because he had done this a thousand times didn’t mean that it got easier every time. In fact, sometimes it was harder to fit into the newest school then it was to fit into the last school. In a lot of schools, Dan was mocked and teased for being gay. It was to be expected, but it still wasn’t fun. And while wearing a pastel sweater to school may not have been the greatest idea for trying to not get teased, Dan figured he might as well be himself because at some point he’s going to wear a cute sweater to school.

Dan walks into the school, passing the library and front office. The lunchroom was a wide open space with tables in it. Off of the cafeteria, halls were filled with doors. Dan assumed that this was where all the classrooms were. He had a peek around when his dad came to sign the paperwork with him a few days ago, so he knew where the lockers where. The hallway of lockers was hidden past the library. Dan walked over, following the crowd, until he found his own locker. Unlocking it, he saw that all of textbooks that he needed had been placed in his locker already. Dan grabbed what was necessary for his first two periods and headed out of the hall, dodging the masses of people that were either trying to get to their locker or away from it. Dan walked back into the lunchroom, looking down at his sheet to try to find where his first class was. He located where it was on the map and made his way to homeroom. 

Dan walked into the class, the few people in the room looking at him, clearly noticing that he was new. He made his way over to the teacher’s desk at the back of the room, getting her attention. “Um, hi, I’m Dan Howell, the new student. Is there a seating chart or can I just sit wherever?” The teacher told him that there was one desk still open, pointing to where it was located. Dan thanked her and made his way to the back, placing his assortment of books down on his new desk. 

All of a sudden, another boy walks in and places his stuff on the desk besides Dan. He has black hair and ocean blue eyes. Dan is internally freaking out. Dan sits down in his desk, fiddling with his phone before the school day officially starts. He’s kind of aware of the boy getting settled in his desk next to him, but Dan is trying to remain as “under the radar” as possible today, and if not openly checking out the boy next to him, then so be it. 

Dan opens up his Tumblr app, scrolling for just a little while before the teacher says it’s time to put phones and books away. Dan locks his phone and pushes it into his pocket, standing with the rest of the class to recite the pledge of allegiance. The boy stands too, Dan’s more than aware of that. He looks bored, as if standing with a hand over his heart inconveniences him. Dan stood as straight as possible, trying to get the boy to notice him and think “Wow, he’s cute.” It doesn’t work though, and soon the class sits down and the teacher stands at the front of the classroom. The teacher talks (whose name is apparently Ms. Greene) about all the activities in school and the few things that have changed. All of sudden Dan hears his name being called and realizes that the teacher is asking him to stand up and tell the class about himself. 

“I, uh, my name’s Dan,” He says, cringing inwardly at how dumb he sounds. “I just moved here from California because of my mom’s job. That’s about it.” He sits back down and the teacher nods in approval, moving onto what she had plan out forgetting them to do for the day. Dan noticed the boy with the ocean blue eyes staring at him. 

.

The day drags on to be uneventful. Dan finds out that the cute boy’s name is Phil and that he is in everyone of Dan’s classes. Dan does a mental victory dance. 

Dan ends up finding a group of friends that quickly absorb him into their group. There’s Louise, PJ, Chris, Troye, Connor, and Zoe. Dan was pretty sure that Troye and Connor were dating, but he wasn’t going to be rude and outright ask them. Everyone was incredibly kind to him and none of them mentioned Phil. Dan figured that that was a good thing, if they hadn’t warned Dan about him, Dan could happily ask him out him. Once he got enough courage, if he ever did. Dan observed Phil at lunch while chatting with Louise. That may make him a stalker, but at this point Dan didn’t care. 

.

He was currently stuck in his last period class, science. It wasn’t the most boring of class of his classes, but it wasn’t his favorite. But Phil, his new obsession apparently, was his lab partner. The problem? Dan didn’t know how to talk to him. Granted, there hadn’t been a reason for them to talk yet, but it was still awkward sitting in complete silence. The teacher started talking at the front of the classroom. He explained that they would be working on reactivity and the different types of reactivity. He passed around a board for them to do the experiment on. All the necessary ingredients were placed on their desk. Phil took the sheet and placed it in the middle of their desk, Dan just sat there. 

“Okay, so I know you obviously weren’t here when we learned this material so I’ll try to teach it to you the best I can,” Phil said, finally speaking. “When we mix the ingredients we’ll either get a color change reaction, bubbling reaction, or no reaction. We just have to mark which one did what.” Dan nodded, helping Phil set up each part of the board. The experiment took basically no time and with 20 minutes left in class, Dan and Phil needed to talk to each other. 

“So, how are you liking the school so far?” Phil asked. “I can’t imagine what it must be like coming into the school year a month after it started.”

“It was a bit of a adjustment,” Dan shrugs. “But I haven’t had that much trouble. Granted, it is only the first day.” Dan laughed, Phil joining in. 

“Well, I’m glad it hasn’t been tough,” Phil responded, smiling. Dan could tell he was being honest, not just making small talk. “I know that you’re probably most behind in English, do you wanna maybe come over sometime so that I could help you catch up?" 

Dan was pretty sure that Phil was flirting. Maybe he was just being sweet, but Dan was crossing his fingers that this was Phil flirting and not just being a good person. Of course, there was the whole thing that Phil might actually be straight and is really just trying to help him out of the goodness of his heart, but Dan was starting to think there might be more there. 

"Oh my gosh, that would literally save my life!” Dan admitted, cheeks turning red at how he sounded. Was he a over-excited teenage girl that probably drank Starbucks with every meal? No? Then why did he sound like one? “I mean, that would be great, I’m way over my head in that class. When are you available?” Dan was sure to tack on a smile at the end. He was trying to not sound like a idiot, thank you very much. Thankfully, Phil found this all amusing and laughed, exchanging numbers with Dan. He promised that he would text him once he knew when Dan and him could meet up. 

.

“Louise, he texted me!” Dan shouted.

“Fucking finally!” Was Louise’s response from the corner of Dan’s room. She was currently painting her nails at his desk while Dan lounged about on his bed. “What does it say?”  
"He said he wants to meet up!” Dan shouts, running over to Louise to show her the message. 

“Ask him if he wants to meet at Starbucks,” Louise suggests. “That’s always a good meet up place." 

Dan nods, frantically typing away on his phone’s keyboard. Suddenly, his face lit up. "He asked me if we could meet tomorrow!” Dan’s facial features quickly changed, becoming more worried. “Wait, do you think he thinks this is a date?” 

Louise thought for a moment. “I mean, why are you meeting?” Louise said. “Are you just causally meeting or is there a reason for it?" 

"He asked me if we could exchange numbers so we could later meet up,” Dan recalled. “He wanted to help me catch up in school, since I missed the first month.” 

“Then it’s probably not a date,” Louise concluded. “But, if all goes well, you could probably ask him out after.” She quickly added after seeing Dan’s disappointed face. 

“Yeah, that’s true.”

.

“Thanks for picking me up,” Dan commented as he clambered into Phil’s car. For goodness’ sake, he was trying to be graceful! “I don’t think I would’ve been able to find the coffee shop all on my own." 

Phil smiled at him. Dan nearly fainted. "Of course!” Phil said, voice as chirpy as ever. “I would’ve felt bad if I hadn’t." 

Dan blushed, thanking him again. They drove to the nearest Starbucks. Both of them had decided it would probably the best place to meet. 

They arrived at the Starbucks, both of them getting out of the car (Phil may have opened the car door for Dan) and walking into the coffee shop. 

"What do you want?” Phil asked. Dan was about to respond before he realized why Phil was asking. “Oh no, I’m paying for myself,” Dan said, walking past Phil to stand in the line. Phil started to protest, moving to push Dan out of the line. “If you want to pay for me you have to date me.” 

 

Phil smiles, looking at the ground. “Guess I’ll have to let you pay for yourself, won’t I?” Dan’s heart deflates a little, but he figures he might as well get over Phil when his crush is still small. 

“Yeah, guess I’ll have to.” Dan says, walking to order his drink. 

.

“That’s the thing Louise, he clearly didn’t want to date me,” Dan says, talking into the phone. “I mentioned a date and he totally shut me down. It was a clear no, there’s no way he has feelings for me." 

"Maybe he’s just nervous?” Louise suggested over the line. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses and ask you out.” 

Dan snorted. “I highly doubt that, it’ll probably be smarter for him to ignore me completely.”

“Hey, you don’t mean that,” Louise said in a comforting voice. “You’re a great person. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I’ll try.” Dan promised, sighing. 

3\. 

After 6 months at the school, Dan could confidently say that he and Phil were best friends. Dan had been absorbed into Louise’s friend group. Troye, Connor, Pj, Chris, and Zoe all accepted him (and Phil) into their group. 

One more important detail, Dan had never gotten over his crush on Phil. He was pretty much hopelessly in love with his best friend, who didn’t even like him back! Dan had accepted the fact and tried his hardest to hide it. In his opinion, he was doing pretty okay. Of course, everyone but Phil knew. He couldn’t keep a secret from his best friend and all his closet friends. Plus, Louise already knew and she loves talking about dramatic stuff, it was bound to come out soon enough. 

All Dan had to do was keep it from Phil. So far, he was doing pretty well. 

It was currently lunchtime, Dan and Phil were walking towards the lunch line to buy lunch. They usually met up with the rest of their friends after buying lunch. After they got lunch (chicken sandwiches), they headed to the usual table where they sat. Troye and Connor were already there. They were huddled around each other, their heads touching. Phil shot Dan a questioning look as they sat down, startling Troye and Connor apart. 

“Hi,” Phil said. “What’s up?" 

Connor blushed as he looked to Troye. "Nothing.” Dan snorted as he shook his head. 

“Like we believe that,” Phil said, a teasing smile on his lips. “What’s going on?” 

“Connor finally got enough guts to ask me out,” Troye deadpanned. “So, now we’re dating." 

Dan got up and hugged them both, grinning from ear to ear. Phil joined them in the hug, his face also lit up with a grin. "Guys, that’s amazing!” He said, standing in between the happy couple, hugging them both, while Dan looked on. “When did this happen?" 

"Uh,” Troye improvised, his cheeks turning red. Dan looked to Connor and realized that his cheeks were ablaze as well. “Last night?" 

They all resumed their seats as the waited for the rest to arrive. "How did he ask you out?” Dan prompted, eating a bit of his sandwich. The blush only suspiciously rose on their cheeks, Phil shot Dan a look. “What is going on with your cheeks?" 

"It’s kind of complicated, how we got together,” Troye tried to explain. “Can we just explain it when everyone else gets here?”

“Explain what?” Louise says placing her tray down along with Zoe. Troye groaned, laying his head down on the table as Connor rubbed his back, laughing. 

“What’s wrong with Troye?” Chris asked, he placed both his and Pj’s trays on the table. It was amazing what Pj could convince Chris to do for him. 

“Troye and Connor are dating!” Dan exclaimed. Phil nodded, adding to the topic of conversation. “And they won’t tell us how they got together! They say it’s too ‘complicated.’"  
Louise turned to the 3 that came to the table with her, muttering, "You miss 5 minutes of lunch and you miss the entire day."

"Well, Troye and Connor, why is it complicated?” Zoe asked, eating a bit of her fruit. “Or is it just personal?" 

"It’s uh,” Connor said. “It’s a little but personal." 

Troye laughed. "No it’s not, it’s just a little bit embarrassing.” Connor nodded, blushing yet again. 

“Well,” Louise started. “What happened? What’s so embarrassing?" 

"We, uh, we, um,” Troye started, wringing his hands out of nervousness. “Okay, we were at a party last night and we were drunk and we ended up sleeping together.”  
Louise gaped at the two of them. “Like, sleeping, sleeping?” Both of them nodded. 

 

“Oh my gosh.” Troye groaned again and forcefully dropped his head to the table yet again, drawing a laugh out of the rest of the table. 

.

Being Phil’s best friend certainly had its perks, and one of those was the fact that Phil was basically a genius. Dan had reaped in the benefits of that, constantly heading over to Phil’s house for impromptu studying dates. His mom was also a wonderful cook and always made them snacks. That was currently what Dan was doing; eating snacks and riddling off the answers to flashcards with Phil. It had become their norm, exam season was upon them left and right. Both of them were determined to pass their freshman year to the best of their ability. 

“Phil,” Dan said, taking another bite of cookie. “D'you think we can take a break? this is boring.”

“Sure,” Phil responded. “What do you want to do?" 

"Let’s go to the movies!” Dan exclaimed. 

“No, you goof,” Phil said. “We can only take a break for like 30 minutes, maximum.”

“Ugh,” Dan groaned. “Phil, you’re no fun. Wanna take a power nap?" 

Phil shrugged but laid down on his bed anyways. Dan walked over and climbed into the bed with him, pulling out his phone and checking it. Phil did the same, relaxing further into the bed. Dan clicked his phone off after setting a alarm for 30 minutes, snuggling into Phil’s pillow. ”'Night,“ Dan said, closing his eyes. 

"It’s literally 3:30, you spoon.” Phil responded, Dan could hear the sleep in his voice, though. He knew Phil was falling asleep, just like him. 

.

There was a blaring noise and Dan could hear someone groaning. “Dan, turn it off,” Phil muttered, his breath hot on his ear. “Dan, turn it off.” Dan cracked a eye open, finding his phone and turning it off.

Once the blaring stopped, Dan felt Phil grabbing his waist and pulling him back into the bed. Dan let out a 'hmpf’ and let himself be pulled. Settling into sleep once again, Dan snuggled into Phil’s side. 

.

“Dan, wake up,” Phil shook him slightly. “Dan it’s 9, you have to go home.” Dan cracked open an eye and stretched, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light of Phil’s room. He took in Phil’s appearance, his ruffled hair and bright eyes leaning over him. He had rosy cheeks and Dan could feel the warmth of his skin in the areas that he was touching him. “You’re pretty,” Dan muttered, letting his eyes slide shut as he talked. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re sleepy and delusional,” Phil mused, raking his hands through Dan’s hair. “You probably won’t even wake up properly." 

"Nah,” Dan said, curling into the pillow more. “I just love you a lot." 

He didn’t hear Phil’s response, just felt his finger tips trailing through his hair.

4\. 

They were invited to a house party. By "they”, Dan meant “him and Phil.” It was always so weird how people always included them together, as if they were one person or something. Either way, they were excited to go. Phil was wary of the alcohol that the both of them were certain would be there, but other then that, Dan knew they would have a good time. Plus, Phil didn’t have to drink. 

The party started at 8, Dan and Phil decided they would leave Dan’s house at 8. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that they are trying to seem at least slightly cool by arriving 15 or so minutes late. 

Dan was pretty sure that the rest of their friends had been invited. He didn’t want to ask and them end up not being invited, that would seem rude and might hurt their feelings. Dan was always trying to be overly nice, he felt like he had been too mean in his life. It was a thing that he regretted a lot. 

Either way, Dan planned for the party to be fun. He’s only been to a few but they usually turned out successful on some level, whether it be in providing him with a killer hangover the next day or kissing random boys in closets. Something always happened. 

Dan was kind of hoping that Phil would get drunk and end up confessing that he had feelings for Dan - feelings that didn’t actually exist, but a boy could hope. 

They had left the house and were now walking through the front door. The house was already filled with teenagers, most of them buzzed at the most. Good, Dan wouldn’t have to deal with drunk teenagers for at least another hour, give or take a few. Dan was slightly aware of Phil moving to the kitchen, probably to get them drinks. Dan sought out his friend in the crowd, quickly finding Chris and Pj standing in the corner of the front room. They noticed him almost at the same time as he noticed them. Their faces lit up and they beckoned him over. 

“Thanks for letting me in your corner,” Dan teased as he walked over to them. “It means a lot." 

"Of course,” Chris said. “We only accept a select few, you know.” Dan chuckled, scanning the crowd quickly for Phil. Pj caught onto what Dan was doing and sent him a knowing look. Dan at least had the decency to blush. He did find Phil though, and Phil caught his eye and started trudging through the drunken teenagers to get to Dan. When Phil finally managed to get over to them he gave Dan his drink. Dan peered into the cup, noticing its substance. “Alcohol?” Dan questioned, noticing the difference. Phil almost always went for something non-alcoholic, especially when they were at parties where they only knew a few people. “Can I ask why the sudden change or?”

“Just felt like it,” Phil said. “Might as well let lose, live a little.”

“Are you sure?” Dan asked, not having to fake the concern in his voice. He knew something was up with Phil. “Are you feeling okay?" 

Dan took notice of the way that Chris and Pj also had concerned expressions on their faces. Phil looked annoyed, at best. "Dan, I am fine,” He said, taking a sip of his drink. “Stop babying me, let’s go dance.”

With a uneasy glance in Chris and Pj’s direction, Dan allowed himself to be pulled off onto the dance floor. 

.

Phil was acting so strange, constantly staring into the distance. He was acting spaced out and honestly, Dan was a little sick of it. Obviously Dan wasn’t mad that Phil was feeling sad, he was upset that Phil wasn’t talking to him about it. The usual routine of either of them being sad always included telling the other, except Phil wasn’t doing that. “Phil?” Dan prompted, hoping Phil would pay attention to him. Phil did hear Dan, evident in the way he turned his head towards Dan. “Can you please tell me what’s bothering you?” Phil nodded, and Dan felt happy. Phil was finally talking to him! 

All of a sudden he felt a tug on his hand, confused where Phil was dragging him. Why couldn’t he just tell him in the room where everyone was dancing? It wasn’t like anyone was listening, it was super loud and all teenagers are self-absorbed. 

Phil pulled him up the stairs and into a room. “You know, Phil, some people might think this is suggesting something-” Dan’s words were cut off by Phil closing the door and pressing his lips to Dan’s. 

Dan brain short-circuited. Was this actually happening? Sure, Dan had imagined and day-dreamed about this moment multiple times, he was certain this was actually just a very-realistic dream. 

The arm sliding around his waist, which was very real - mind you, proved that this was actually.

Dan was faintly aware of moving his lips against Phil’s, the kiss becoming heated rather quickly. Dan was aware of something supporting his back, a bed possibly? He didn’t care, he just kept kissing. 

When Phil pulled back, gasping for breath, just like Dan. “So is this what was bothering you?” Dan mused, smirking as he ran his hands through Phil’s hair. Phil was hovering over him, one of his arms on either side of Dan. Phil hummed in response, reattaching his lips to Dan’s. 

They would talk about it in the morning. 

5.

They next morning Dan woke up in his bed. Blurred memories of the night before replayed over and over again in his head, Phil kissing him (and more), the car drive home at 1 or 2 in the morning, sneaking back into their homes. It all happened. 

Dan found his phone on the bedside table, clicking the home button to see what time it was. It was 10, Dan figured that was a acceptable amount of time for him to sleep in on a Saturday morning. He got out of bed and used the restroom, wincing at the hickeys left on his neck. It was going to be a pain to hide those from his mom. 

He walked out of his room and knocked on his older sister, Holly’s, door. He heard someone groan and shuffle towards the door. Seconds later, his sister opened the door, still clad in her pajamas like Dan. “Ugh,” She said, beckoning for him to come in as she sat down on her bed. “What do you need, Dan? I’m tired as hell.”

“I need a favor,” She raised a sleepy eyebrow. “I need you to cover up some hickeys.” Holly’s eyes widened as she moved closer to inspect Dan’s neck. Holly let out a low whistle as she saw them, grabbing his chin and turning it to the side so she could see more clearly. “Damn, Daniel. You really got yourself into trouble on this one,” She commented. 

Standing up, she walked over to her vanity and started pulling out multiple pieces of make-up. “Come on over, let me fix you up." 

Dan walked over and sat down in her chair, watching as she grabbed a creamy light green product and applied it to her sponge. "Thanks for doing this,” Dan said, tilting his head to give her more access to the bruises. “You’re a lift saver.” 

“Mhm,” She hummed, the common hum that Dan knew meant she wanted something. “Care to tell me who, what, when, and where? Those are the fundamental W’s." 

Dan groaned. He didn’t want to explain the entire thing. She had no idea about anything in his romantic life department, "I’m not telling you anything, Holly,” Dan said, his voice sounding tired and gruff. “Just know that it’s something that will ever happen ever again." 

"Dan, I know you’re not stupid,” Holly said, now dabbing a creamy skin colored product onto his skin. “And you know I am not stupid, I’m getting that information out of you. Do I know the girl you did this with?” Dan shook his head, glad she was still under the assumption that it was a girl, that would save him more time. 

“Was it a random girl you met at a party?”

“Nope.” Dan said, popping the P.

“Was she cute?”

“I mean, it depends.” Dan concluded. Phil was adorable.

“Did you two have sex?”

Dan could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. This wasn’t a question he was prepared for. 

“Of sorts?" 

"Daniel James Howell!” Holly said, slapping him lightly across the cheek. “Please, tell me you used protection.” Dan nodded, they had thankfully found condoms in the nightstand by the side of the bed. 

“Can you just tell me who it was? What her names starts with?” Holly asked, desperation leaking into her voice. Dan could tell it was killing her not knowing. 

“I can’t tell you what their name starts with, then’ll you’ll know who it was."

Holly gasped. (She was over-dramatic like him, it runs in the family.) "So I do know her!” Holly exclaimed. Then, her expression became one of realization. “Wait, you never said it was a girl." 

Dan could feel his eyes going wide. Dammit! She had figured it out, she was going to know it was Phil any minute now. 

She looked him right in the eye. Dan gulped. He didn’t really know how his family felt about gay people, they never talked about it. Sometimes no news is good news, but that isn’t always the case. Her stare was strong, Dan knew he was a goner. 

"Dan, are you queer?” All he could do was nod his head, looking down at the carpet as his did so. She leaned forward and gave him a hug, wiping tears off his cheeks that he didn’t even realize were there. 

“It, it was Phil,” Dan confessed, he knew she would get it out of him and that he might as well admit to it. “I’ve had a crush on him for the longest time, like since I met him, and last night we snuck out and went to a party. And he kissed me.” His voice was strained with tears, he hated how guilty he sounded. 

Holly gently lifted his chin up with her finger, making him look her straight in the eye. “You, Daniel Howell, have done nothing wrong,” Her voice was comforting. It reminded Dan of when they were little, she would also help him after he managed to hurt himself. “I’m happy for you, and I’m sure the rest of the family would be too.” Dan nodded, finally hugging his sister back. 

That’s when his mom walked in, noticing her two children consoling one another, one with red cheeks and puffy eyes. “What’s going on?” She asked, confused but voice still soft.  
“Me and Dan were just having a heart-to-heart, weren’t we, Dan?” Dan nodded, never more thankful for his sister. “Nothing to worry about.”

His mom nodded, albeit still curious. “Oh, okay. Anyways, Phil’s down at the door.” Dan shot up out of his chair, catching a knowing glance from his sister. 

Dan raced down the stairs, finding Phil standing awkwardly on his doorstep. That never happened, Phil always came right on in, he had been for months. Dan cleared his throat. “Uh, come in?” He said it as a question, confused as why Phil was acting strange again. Maybe it was because of last night? Maybe Phil didn’t know how they were supposed to act around each other? 

Phil walked in the door, walking up the steps, leaving Dan to trail after him. Phil made a direct beeline for Dan’s room, Dan still following. Holly and his mom must’ve gone downstairs as they were no longer in Holly’s room. 

“So?” Dan asked. 

“I wanted to talk to you about last night,” Phil sighed. “I don’t really know how to say it though."  
Dan figured nothing good could be coming out of Phil’s mouth anytime soon. Dan sat down in his desk chair as Phil sat on his bed. "Well, just try to say what you want,” Dan said. “I’ll try to be more understanding or some shit." 

Phil sent him a side glance. "I just don’t want to hurt you.” Phil said, sighing again.

“Pretend I’m your least favorite person in the entire world,” Dan suggested. “Say what you would say to them. Actually, don’t do that, you might really offend me.” Dan was trying to make Phil laugh, to ease up. Phil’s body language wasn’t improving Dan’s worries, in fact, Dan was getting more worried with every passing second. 

“I kind of regret what happened last night,” Phil said, voice tiny and soft. “I’m sorry." 

Dan froze, sitting as still as a statue. He was expecting Phil to ask him to be his boyfriend, a romantic gesture or something, anything. Dan didn’t think that Phil would do this. 

"What part do you regret?” Dan asked, his voice was reduced to a fraction of how loud it usually was. He was still a little bit shocked. 

“I don’t know,” Phil said, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. “I think I’m regretting how far we went." 

"Like, how far we went after the kissing or the entire thing in general?” 

“I don’t know, Dan!” Phil exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air. “I just know that I shouldn’t have done it." 

"Why?” Dan asked, voice like venom. 

“Why what?” Phil looked at him, confused at his sudden outburst. 

“Why shouldn’t you have done it?” Dan said, his voice starting to break and crack. He wasn’t just mad at Phil, he was bloody sad too. “Why was it so wrong? Was it because you kissed me, am I wrong?" 

"I don’t know, Dan!” Phil said, pacing across the room. “You’re a boy, I’m straight! And we kissed and got each other off and that’s not okay. Hell, you’re my best friend." 

Dan sniffled, dragging his sleeve across his nose. "Okay,” He said, willing the tears not to fall. He wasn’t supposed to have feelings for Phil and this was making it too painfully obvious that he does. He shouldn’t be this upset over a simple boy. 

The problem was, Phil wasn’t just a “simple boy." 

6.

Dan and Phil tried to return to as normal as possible. It was easy for Phil, he just chose ignore everything that happened, he just swept it under the metaphorical rug.  
Dan didn’t have that luxury. 

He was still in love with the boy. He didn’t tell anyone else about what they did that night. Louise would freak out and talk him into doing something crazy for Phil’s attention. He decided things were left better this way. 

Holly continued to send him looks of pity whenever Phil was around. Dan both appreciated and despised the looks. Don’t get him wrong, Dan would much rather be his friend and deal with the heartbreak, but it was tough. 

Take right now for instance; Dan was having to look on as Phil clearly checked out a girl at the other side of the lunchroom. It had literally been a day since 'their talk’, Dan’s heart was hurting too much for this shit. Dan sighed and rested his head in his hands, trying to become more engrossed in what Louise was saying. Something about a bad date she went on or something, Dan felt bad for not paying enough attention to know. He just continued to nod at the right times and give sympathetic faces when needed. 

Once Phil was clearly done checking out the girl, he started paying attention to the conversation again. Zoe was giving Louise advice for how to break up with the dude she was talking about and Dan was offering his uneducated thoughts as well. That’s when Phil decided to make his thoughts known. 

"You know, if I was going to end something with someone I would just tell them what I really felt,” He offered. “Make it clear how you feel and what you think should happen with your relationship.” Dan rolled his eyes, that was the same exact thing that he had done the night before with Dan. 

“Yeah,” Dan chimed in. “That method seems to work really well for Phil.” 

Phil turned to look at him, eyes stony and cold. “Hm, and how would you know?" 

"I’m your best friend, Phil,” Dan said, starting to get angry. “I know a lot about you." 

"Well, clearly you don’t know my limits and what I do and don’t like,” Phil spat.

“Hey,” Dan said, louder then necessary. “That was both of our faults, don’t blame me for not knowing what you actually wanted. I was a little distracted.”

“Well, I completely regret it!” Phil said, his tone matching Dan’s. “We never should have done that and I hope it never happens again." 

"Damn right it’ll never happen again,” Dan shouted. He stood up from the table and ignored his friend’s shocked faces as he fled the scene. 

“What was that about?” Louise asked Phil, staring after Dan. 

“I’m having issues and accidentally dragged Dan into them,” He responded, massaging his forehead with his hand. “I don’t know what’s going on.” 

.

Dan needed to let go of his feelings and calm the flying fuck down. It wasn’t fair to Phil, and it wasn’t fair to him. He just needed to relax and hope that Phil would do the same. His friendship with Phil was way more important then his crush on Phil.

So he called his mom and said he was feeling sick. His mom totally believed him, thank goodness, and came to get him. When Dan got home he went straight to his room and cried. He cried for about 30 minutes, till his head started hurting and he could feel the start of a migraine clouding in the front of his head. 

Dan almost always felt better and more collected after crying. 

This time though, he didn’t. 

7.

There was someone climbing through the window. 

Dan had been woken up to the sound of his window sliding open. He tried to stay as still as possible in case it was a bugler or something of the sort. It was pitch black outside and Dan couldn’t see much about the person. He could tell that they were tall and skinny, but that was it. 

All of a sudden, the person fell through his window and walked over to his bed side table. Dan drew in a shaky breath, urging himself to try to be as convincingly asleep as possible. But then the stranger did something weird; they turned on the lamp on Dan’s nightstand. Light flooded into the room, and Dan could finally see the stranger’s features.  
It was Phil. Dan was both relived and angry (angrier?) with Phil. For one, he scared the living shit out of him, who the fuck does that? Honestly, it’s unnecessary and rude. Second, it was the middle of the night, does Phil not have any respect for a proper sleeping schedule? Dan tried to. But at least Phil wasn’t a bugler trying to break in and steal all of Dan’s stuff.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Was the sentence out of Dan’s mouth. “It’s literally 2:30 in the fucking morning and I would like some fucking shit sleep, please."

Phil at least had the decency to look slightly sorry. He made himself comfortable at the foot of Dan’s bed, much to Dan’s sleepy, grumpy, and pissed self. Don’t get him wrong, he usually enjoyed Phil’s company, but it was 2 in the fucking morning. It was a bit rude to just climb through your best friend’s window at 2 in the morning, at least by Dan’s standards. 

"Sorry, I wanted to talk to you and I didn’t want to text it or say it over the phone,” Phil held his gaze. Dan noticed how exhausted Phil looked himself. Dan started to feel a bit sorry for being so gruff. “I’m sorry for the fight yesterday and my actions the day before."  
Dan puffed air out his checks, laying back on the bed and patting the space besides him. Phil took the hint and moved to lay aside Dan. Once Phil was settled, Dan clicked the lamp off. 

"You know,” Dan started out softly. “I’m not actually mad at you. I’m just upset a bit that we both were stupid enough to kiss and shit." 

Phil sighed, snuggling deeper into his pillow. "Yeah, same,” He agreed. “I actually really enjoyed kissing you, for what it’s worth. It’s just, I’ve been under this impression that I’m straight my whole life, I never thought that I liked boys. I feel bad that I kissed you and liked it because I want to try it again and that would be messing with your emotions to try and figure out the mess of mine.”

Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All this time he thought that Phil regretted kissing him because he didn’t like him, not because he was trying to do the right thing.  
“If it helps any, I like you a lot,” Dan thought about his word choice. “Okay, that probably just puts more pressure on you, so sorry. But it’s true, I’ve had a crush on you for basically forever now." 

Phil lazily intertwined his hand with Dan’s. Dan could tell he was getting sleepier and sleepier. "Really wanna kiss you again.” Phil muttered a few minutes later.  
“Be my guest.” Dan challenged. Phil quickly sat up, leaning on one of his arms for support. “D'you mean it?” Dan nodded. 

Before he knew it, Phil’s hands were pushing him back into the mattress and Phil’s lips were on his own. Their lips were moving against each other’s at a fast pace, their mouths hungry for more of the other. Phil moved so that he was laying in between Dan’s legs, their hips almost perfectly aligned, something that Dan was becoming painfully aware of. They continued kissing, finally trapped in a world of their own. 

Dan was breathless. And he was in love. 

8.

When they awoke the next morning light was filtering in through the windows. Dan’s arm was trapped underneath Phil’s back, his chest suffered a similar fate with Phil’s head cushioned on top of it. Dan allowed a lazy smile to come to his lips as he sunk his fingers into Phil’s hair. 

The birds were chirping outside, Dan guessed it was around ten, meaning that he and Phil had roughly another hour until his mom came into his room to wake him up.  
Phil’s chest was bare and the blankets were pulled down. Dan, noticing this, pulled the duvet up more around him, making sure to tuck him in properly.  
Dan closed his eyes, wondering if he’d fall asleep again. Knowing his luck with sleeping, it was highly unlikely. 

Surprisingly, he fell asleep again. 

.

He woke up to because there was a lot of talking going on. Dan wasn’t a light sleeper but he wasn’t a heavy one either, what were these people talking about and why did they have to interrupt his sleep? 

He opened his eyes, noticing that his mom was standing by his bed, it must be around eleven or so in the morning.

Now the question was, why did she look so confused? “Holly, come here a second,” she called. Sure enough Holly came around the corner and into his room, locking eyes with Dan. “Oh, Dan, you’ve done it now,” She started to giggle. “When did he show up?”

“Last night around two,” He answered back. He still didn’t know why his mom was acting so weird. And then he remembered, this didn’t look entirely platonic. Holly already knew, but his mom had probably guessed that something was up. He sat quickly, making Phil stir a bit. “It’s not what it looks like!" 

His mom raised a eyebrow, clearly noticing how bare both of their chests were. The blanket was covering up their bottom halves, and the fact that they were both clothed. He could only imagine how bad this looked.

Phil finally opened his eyes, finding Dan’s body and sitting up as well. Clearly, he wasn’t awake enough to notice the extra two people in the room. Phil moved to rest his head on Dan’s shoulder, mumbling something incoherent. Holly was still standing in the doorway, giggling silently. His mom’s eyes were still locked on them, too, something Dan was painfully aware of. 

"Hey, Phil?” Dan asked softly. 

“Wha?” He mumbled.

“D'you wanna maybe open your eyes?” He did and it was almost comical watching his eyes widen dramatically fast. 

“Hello Mrs. Howell,” Holly giggled again and Phil’s eyes quickly found her body leaning against the door frame. “You too, Holly." 

"Care to explain this, boys?” His mother asked sternly. Dan didn’t have a clue what was going through his mom’s head. 

“So, you see, Phil and me got into a fight a few days ago,” Dan was trying to be as vague as possible. He had no idea how his mom would react. “And it really blew up yesterday and we both felt terrible about it. Then last night, around two in the morning, Phil climbed through the window and apologized." 

His mom cocked her head. "Why would he have to visit at two in the morning? Couldn’t he have waited until the morning?” Dan turned to Phil. “Yeah, why did you come in the middle of the night?” Phil blushed. “I just felt really bad about it.” 

Mrs. Howell shook her head but let it pass, instead focusing on the much more pressing issue. “Okay, fair enough,” She said. “Then why do neither of you have your shirts on? Dan, it’s winter and I know you get too cold without it on. Phil, you always wear shirts when you sleepover. Why the sudden change?” 

“Believe it or not, mom,” Dan started, knowing that they were trapped. “It got really hot last night.”

“Mhm, I’m sure, Daniel,” His mom was starting to smile. “And what exactly were you doing that was making it so hot?”

Dan hid his face in his hands, groaning. “Kissing.” Dan felt Phil collapse on the bed beside him. Both Holly and Mrs. Howell started laughing. Dan could hear them leaving the room. He took his hands off his face to find a blushing pink Phil wrapped in blankets and sheets. 

“That was the most traumatizing situation that I have ever been in,” Phil said after a moment of silence. Dan laughed, nodding his head. He moved so that he was poised over Phil. He slowly leaned down and captured Phil’s lips in a kiss, Phil sighing and entangling his fingers in Dan’s hair. 

After a moment Dan pulled away, smiling softly down at Phil. “Should we get something to eat?”

.

Phil agreed to grab something to eat. Soon enough they were both dressed and walking to the nearest diner. It was only about a mile or so away so Dan and Phil decided to walk, although Dan was a bit hesitant. 

“Come on,” Phil had said. “It’s a beautiful day, we should walk.”

“You sound like my grandpa,” Dan retorted, starting to walk with Phil despite his comment. Phil smiled and walked with Dan, lightly taking his hand.  
“Would you want to be my boyfriend?” Phil asked, catching Dan completely off guard. 

Dan’s cheeks started to heat up, he knew they were now a bright pink. He said, “Ew, why would I want to be stuck with you?” But Phil was laughing and so was Dan, Phil tugging on his hand to bring him closer. He pecked his check and Dan giggled, a light airy sound. 

All was good and all was peaceful, just in that one screenshot of youth.

9.

They finished high school, both of them moving away into a little apartment as quickly as they could. They both started college, a tiresome affair that neither of them enjoyed much. Both of them had a part-time job, both of them struggled to keep the two of them afloat, but they were happy. 

Their apartment was littered with Polaroid photos, a gift from Dan to Phil. Ever since he got it, Phil snapped photos left and right. Some were hung and some were put in little stacks on a bookshelf. 

Nights were spent tangled in each others’ arms with books spread all over the coffee table. Nights got stressful and tiring, Dan personally felt like he was a walking zombie, but they pulled through. They had each other and their future to think about.

One year of college passes, and then another. 

Life is going fast, but it’s going in a way that Dan never thought would happen to him. It was going by with love.

10\. 

The call was shattering. Dan was walking from his 9:30 class to his 11:00 one when he got a call from a random number. He almost didn’t answer it, he was positive it would be just another spam call. But he figured he might as well, he had the time. 

“Hello?" 

"Hi,” The voice replied. It was a voice of a girl, probably around Dan’s age. “Is this Dan Howell?" 

"Yes,” He had said, wondering how this person knew his name. “Why are you calling?”

“Oh,” She sounded somber. “My name’s Vanessa and I’ve been dating Phil Lester for about a year. Last night I saw your name on his phone screen and it had a heart next to your name, so I was just wondering who you are in his life.”

“I’m his boyfriend,” Dan replied, his head spinning on his shoulders. “We live together, I’ve been dating him since the second year of high school.” He had completely stopped walking on the sidewalk, opting to instead sit down on the bench as he tried to process what he was hearing.

“I’m so sorry,” She said, her voice genuine. “If I had known, I would have never-”

"No, no, I’m sure you wouldn’t have,” Dan said, not wanting to hear it. “I don’t know what Phil would’ve done. Oh, God.” Dan pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep from crying in public till he could get home. 

“Listen, I’m sorry this happened. Just save my number in your phone in case you ever need to talk,” Vanessa suggested. 

“Yeah, okay,” Dan agreed. “Do the same for me.” Vanessa agreed and hung up. Dan started walking back to their apartment. 

His apartment. 

.

Dan had been waiting for Phil to come home for a while now. When he walked in the door it was different then how he had rehearsed in his head. 

“Phil,” Dan said, standing by their dining room table. “I had a chat with someone today.” Phil, clearly not picking up on the coldness in Dan’s tone simply hummed in acknowledgment for him to continue. 

“Yeah, her name was Vanessa,” Dan said. Phil’s head snapped up at the mention of her name. Dan’s stomach sunk. So it was true. He was in denial about it, he knew it had happened but he didn’t want to accept it. Why did this have to happen? To him and Phil? He had pined after Phil for nearly a year, they had been dating for nearly four. They lived together for heaven’s sake! Why had Phil ruined them?

“We had a nice little conversation,” Dan carried on, his voice turning more sarcastic as he continued. “Funny, it was actually about you."  
"Dan, please, I can explain,” Phil started to say. 

“I don’t want to hear it!” Dan shouted. “I want your bags packed and gone by lunch tomorrow. You may have taken my heart but you will not take my home! Find your own place.”  
“Dan, please, I love you-” Phil’s face was desperate, tears were starting to mirror Dan’s. 

“Yeah, well I love you too!” Dan yelled. His vision blurry and his cheeks wet, he brushed passed Phil into the master bedroom. His master bedroom. “I love you so damn much, and that’s why I want you gone.” He looked back at Phil, at his ocean blue eyes he had once adored. 

“I can’t believe you did this to me.”

11.

Dan stared into those ocean blue eyes, the ones he hadn’t seen in more then a year. 

“Dan, please,” Phil pleaded. The house still glowed around him, pictures still attached to the wall and painfully present. “I promise I won’t ever cheat again.”

“No.” Dan said. 

He turned and left the scene, walking through the glowing doorway and down the cracked driveway. He took one last look at the house, tears brimming in his eyes. He turned and faced the way back home. 

Louise would kill him if he was late for supper.


End file.
